I’m here on my journey… no on OUR journey to get pregnant, for the second time. It has been a rough road. It hasnt been easy and conceiving hasnt been of any luck either. A lot has happend since the day I miscarried.
While I was pregnant we were searching for a new place to live in because we couldnt live with roomates anymore not when were having a baby. It took us a while to choose a place, and ironically, we found just that the day after I found out I lost my baby. So we went through with moving anyways. We moved to our new apartment first week of June. I was so happy to finally be on our own again. Living with roomates for almost 2 years was good enough. Shortly after that, we went on our second wedding anniversary trip to Florida. We spent 5 days there and visited all the kingdoms in Disney World. It was a nice little escape from everything we went through.
Not much happened in between that and now. Just the norms. The usuals. John and I try to conceive but every month were let down when (as i like to call it ) “tom” (time of month) visits. Sometimes I think my mind is wired to make me think Im pregnant, that any little thing makes me feel as if I am. My period cycle has been so off the chains, that sometimes I cant tell anymore. I can tell when Im ovulating cuz my cycles are just so effed up. I just want it to get back to normal already. I was really hoping that I had my first child at 25. I understand, we all have our time. And mine just wasnt now.
I still have a lot I want to do with my life, and i like to think that maybe God wanted me to enjoy a little be of freedom and enjoy one responsibility at a time. John & I still have a lot to work on as a couple (even though we’ve been together for almost 10 years this coming October). I know my time will come, I have all my trust and faith in Him.
Today, was my friends son’s Christening and I was the main Godparent. It was an honor to be given that responsibility. That means she trusts me with her child. And I will honor that. So, another friend announces that she was pregnant (which I already knew, cuz I was one of the first she told). It was bittersweet. I was super excited for her, but at the same time it gave me a quick flashback and the emotions Ive tried to avoid just came rushing back.
Seriously, everyone around me is getting pregnant. Everyone, but me. Everytime I go on facebook, theres someone new thats pregnant.. same with Instagram. Tumblr. Drives me crazy. Cuz it makes me feel like Im doing something wrong here. Its starting to worry me that weve been trying these past 6 months but nothing. Im close to scheduling an appointment to see if Im ovulating. Idk, maybe Im just paranoid.. and a little impatient. =X Anyways, moving forward.
This week, I hope to start my PCE (pre clinical experience) and land a job. Thats my goal. I have 2 interviews and I hope to atleast land one of them because I need it and I want it.