April 11, 2012
It was 9pm, when I laid in bed and started to feel cramps. It wasn’t that bad at first so, I decided to just stop what I was doing and try to sleep. I ended up browsing the internet for a little bit until around 11ish pm where I decided to really try and sleep. But the pain just kept worsening. I called Johns work around midnight because i was in scrutinizing pain, but no luck cuz John was out of the office but they promised theyd get the message out to him. He calls me back 15 minutes later, and I was telling him the pain i was feeling. No pain I have ever felt before, it was period cramps times 10! I was curled up in fetal position in tears. So i told John Id wait it out and maybe itll go away. It didnt. Finally at 12:50 I call him back to tell him I need to go to the ER because I felt really wet too. He calls one of our friends to check on me, who’s room was across the hall. I crawled out of bed because I could not even stand up. I crawled my way to the bathroom so I can change and the last thing I remember was my sweatpants being soaked in blood (tmi, sorry). Laurence, our housemate, was in panic too. I just remember him having to assist me in the car cuz i couldnt walk. The drive to the ER felt long! I felt so bad for Laurene , poor guy was panicking, cuz I couldnt stop screaming. It was just so painful. It was like someone stabbing my uterus and crushing it at the same time. I didnt think it would stop.
Prior to this, just the day before. I had another ob follow up. They checked me again via ultrasound and confirmed that the baby is infact 8weeks4days. So we discussed my options. I opted to do it naturally, but the doctor also set up a D&C (surgery) appointment for April 21, just incase. Well, I didnt have to go through surgery, cuz it was coming naturally and it hurt soo much!
By the time we got to the ER it was 1:20am. And i was directed straight into a room. They checked my vitals and blood was still flowing and the pain felt like it was getting worse by the minute. I had a nurse come in and stuck an I.V. on me and checked my blood pressure. I was being monitored. Nurse gave me pain killers, which somewhat worked. Doctors finally come in and they do some pelvic exams. Blood was still flowing, the room got a little messy cuz the doctor had to take out all the clotting. After that was out, i felt better. John finally arrives at the hospital and he walks in, and sees me helpless on the bed. Everytime I screamed in pain, John squeezed my hand. He whispered “I feel so useless!” I reassured him and let him know his presence was enough.
After 4 hours in the ER, we were finally discharged. John & I cried one last time on the hospital bed and he hugged and held me and said “I promise you, I am not leaving, Im not going anywhere” That was all the boost I needed to get myself together.
He put me on the wheelchair and lead me to the pharmacy. I threw up twice the whole time I was there. It must have been all the drugs. I threw up again when we were waiting for my medications. 5 different medications to take. And once again, we leave the hospital… empty. The feeling of emptiness. It was almost 5 am when we got home. I had to lay with pads on the bed. John stayed up and waited til I fell asleep.
This experience has been the most overwhelming and painful thing I have experience thus far. To think for almost 2 weeks what I thought was a growing baby, was had already gone. It has mentally, emotionally, and physically drained me. But it has also made me that much stronger. It proved to me that John & I work well as a team, that he & I, can get through anything and everything together. Through thick & thin. & Someday, I hope and pray that we can be just as strong together as parents.
