Its been exactly two months since the day I found out I lost my baby. There’s not a day where I dont think about it. It still make me sad, I dont know if Ive actually moved on, matter of fact I dont know if I will ever really move on, but I am coping a lot better. Life is somewhat back to normal, but heck, what is normal? 

John and I have agreed that we’d keep trying, but sometimes I have the fear of it happening again. I know nothing is guaranteed and I just gotta stay positive and have faith, but I just dont know if I can bare another loss. That first one was too heart breaking to even put into words. 

Today I sat here and thought about how far along I would have been. I would have been on my 19th week this week. I remember being excited cuz we’d find the gender of the baby just before Father’s Day and it would have been one awesome father’s day gift. But i know i cant dwell on the past, and just gotta keep moving forward. But…

It still hurts.